Dependency and Fasting

In lieu of writing a complete post of my own, I thought I would share reflections of another … a blog post which not only so vividly describes life in Africa and God’s calling to be here, but one that resounds within my heart during these days of separation from my family – a separation made much more poignant during this transition because of the flooding at home before I climbed aboard a plane and left my heart behind:

Life as Fasting

Living overseas is a form of fasting.  Fasting from the comforts of a would-be heaven on earth where there are hot showers, dishwashers and clothes dryers and fully-stocked grocery stores.  Living overseas is fasting that says, “this much, O God, this much, I want to know you.”  And this much, O God, I want you to be known.” (Michael Oh)

I want to know God deeply and I want Him to be known so much that I will risk scary diseases, fast from my beloved family and worldly comforts.  But to live and fast like that, isn’t brave.  …  I don’t feel brave.  I feel dependent.  Helplessly, breathlessly, clingingly, dependent.

Last week the Muslim fasting month of Ramadan began.  Fasting from food and water is hard.  Fasting from food and water in the hottest country on earth is hard.

And the strain will begin to show because fasting (Muslim, Christian, or otherwise) emphasizes our weakness, reveals the longing of our taste buds and stomachs and exposes the very real, carnal needs of our bodies.  Fasting reminds us that we are helpless and desperate, utterly dependent on food and water, and when undertaken as a spiritual discipline, fasting reminds us that we are helpless and desperate, utterly dependent on God.

He is the Sustainer and the Giver of comfort.  He forgives and provides.  He has prepared a place for us.  He sends hope and perfect joy.  He encourages the weary and heals the broken.

Because brave is not the right word for people seeking God.

Dependent is.

The author concludes by asking: “How has living overseas revealed your dependency?”

Though I have much to reflect on in embracing this aspect of fasting – her question for me these last few days has been easy to answer … for I am at this place of utter dependency.

Because I have felt divided and my heart left at home – I have felt here an empty shell.  I ask myself how I can minister to those around me when I am broken and empty?

And I have flung myself on the mercy of God … asking daily now for His strength in my weakness … for I have nothing of myself to give.  Though this is no less true of each day – I am more acutely aware of it these days.

Today as I fast … fast from my family in this time of their need, fast from the comfort of being with them and helping them, lending my hand to the trail of the unknown … my comfort comes from Psalm 121:8

the LORD watches over your coming and going.

My Father knew …. He knew when I bought my ticket that the flooding would happen before I left.  Not only did He know …. but He is watching over … watching over my going from Canada and my coming to Niger.  Watching over this time.  Watching over me as I throw myself at His feet and cling to Him.  Dependent, weary, and broken - trusting in Him for His encouragement and healing.

And in this I rest.  It is enough for today.

Here is the link to the full blog from which I quoted.