Kitchen Service

I have been reading recently a book called Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World, by Joanna Weaver.

Throughout my life, I have had moments where I realized that my life had become more about doing for God than being with God. Always, when I realize this, I feel the need to renew my fervor for dwelling with our Lord. I picked up this book from the library at the English Worship Service here in Niger, as I felt I was at this point again – the subtitle says: Finding Intimacy with God in the Busyness of Life. Life is definitely busy here – language study, accounting, visiting Fulani friends . . . but in this all, as I read the book title, I desired this intimacy with God in this busyness.

Admittedly though, just picking up the book didn’t dissolve any of the busyness nor force any intimacy – and it is more than a year later and my Martha busy side has overcrowded my Mary desire for intimacy. I am still only half-way through the book! I have a lot to learn and apply to my life – in fact, the chapter of this week speaks of our devotional life being an act of will. I cannot get rid of the busyness of my life, language study and ministry is what I am here for, but how in the midst of this do I create the time for the intimacy? This is what I long for and that which will sustain me.

But, back to the title – Joanna’s chapter on Kitchen Service, spoke to the heart of my life here and the questions I have regarding the balance of our compassion ministry in Niger. Coincidentally, I read this chapter only one month after I began to question my struggles that I’ve discussed in my Am I the Monkey, or the Monkey’s Friend? (see blogpost: October 19, 2009)

With the author’s permission, I am sharing a few of her words and my interactions with them. All quotes from the book will be bold in orange to distinguish her material from my interactive thoughts.

Joanna starts a section on Serving Like Jesus by quoting and interacting with Brother Lawrence:

Our santification, as Brother Lawrence once said, "does not depend upon changing our works, but in doing that for God's sake which we commonly do for our own". For three and a half years, Jesus of Nazareth did just that. He ministered out of everyday life. Instead of renting a coliseum or building a synagogue, then waiting for people to come to him, Jesus went to them.

This is the ministry here in Niger - we learn the heart language of the people group we long to reach . . . and then we go to them. Our team works in villages, in compassion ministry, living among the people. But, we go to them. In order to learn the language, I have to go among them - an intimidating factor, to walk into a courtyard of people you don't know in a language you are learning, just to create a friendship through which you hope to bring God's hope to them. My colleague Lisa calls this the 'Ministry of Hanging Out'.

Okay - so check. I am going to the people, I don't necessarily need to change my works. But, am I doing all this for God's sake?? Am I relying on His Holy Spirit to guide and direct that which I do and say? In my hanging out in their courtyard, am I doing this just for language study or am I through my presence or words showing them God's love?

Joanna then defines compassion:

The word Matthew uses for compassion in [Matthew 14:14] is splagchnizomai. It means that Jesus didn't respond to the people out of duty; he ministered to them because he felt their distress. . . . He laid aside his wishes so he could become their one Desire. He laid aside his agenda so he could meet all their needs.

Well, that's certainly where the rubber hits the road and definitely my struggle here. There are times I have laid aside my agenda - a day of vacation to visit my friend's family after a funeral, spending a Saturday to go meet new friends and ending up discusing Jesus' sacrifice with them. It is easy to feel the distress of others here - it is so visibly present everywhere. On every street corner there is at least one cripple or beggar. Throughout the city, I see various crazy people with tattered clothes and nowhere to live - down the street from my house, lives one in the garbage pile who spends his days collecting garbage to claim as his own - tin cans, boxes, anything he can pile around him.

Instead of guarding his life, Jesus gave it away - and He beckons His followers to do the same. When we surrender ourselves to be used by God, we don't always get to pick the time, the method, or the place of ministry.

I guess it comes down to the battle of how much of myself am I willing to give? Like all of humanity, I am selfish in nautre. How much do I sacrifice? How much to do I give? Do I allow myself to truly feel their needs - both physical and spiritual? Jesus gave of Himself so he could become their one Desire. How much do I desire to share this with them? Where is the line drawn between giving to their physical needs and sharing with them their spiritual need?

We all know the story of Peter, John and the cripple in Acts 3:

Peter & John walking into the temple one day are stopped by a cripple begging for money. He wants food for the day - I know this, I see this daily now too. Yet, Peter & John say to him:

Silver and gold have I none, but such as I have give I thee. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth rise up and walk.

Peter took the cripple by the hand, and helped him rise - his feet and ankles were strengthened and then . . . he leapt up and entered the temple; walking on his own two feet, leaping and PRAISING God.

Instead of offering the man money, they gave him something far more valuable - something we all need to remember when we offer compassionate service . . . Compassion is just the beginning of what we have to offer the people Jesus loves . . . it wasn't Peter's charity the lame man needed that day. He needed something not found in pockets or purses or even other people's sympathy. That man needed healing. He needed the power of God to transform his life.

Granted, my first reaction to this was: YIKES!! Peter offered healing - and there are many in Niger that need healing - as mentioned, from the cripples to those whose minds have wandered. I wonder sometimes if the streets I walk are much the same of the streets that Jesus walked. Medical care in Niger, though available, is mostly out of the financial means of most who live here. As Jesus saw cripples, I see cripples - those 'walking' on the streets with the hands and feet because they canot straighten to walk. There is a leprosorium in Niger, so there are lepers here as Jesus saw. There are those who are crazy, just as those whom Jesus healed.

And my first reaction of 'yikes' was that though God is our Healer, I don't feel like He has called me to Niger to walk around the streets healing all those I see. I am sure that Jesus Himself did not heal all those He encountered as well - though He ministered as He walked along, He was purposeful in His walk to the cross. To ultimately bring what Joanna speaks of being beyond the start of compassion - the power of God to transform lives.

Thus we feel of our ministry in Niger. Yes, we are involved in compassion ministry - but it is just a start to what we have to share. Ultimately, I long to share of God, of Jesus' sacrifice to restore our relationship to Him.

And yet, there is that fine line in compassion ministry - When have I helped perhaps too much, in that I have become their crutch? How do I help them learn to help themselves instead of relying on me to provide? The Community Health Evangelism program we follow is designed for the village/community to trigger for themselves what needs they have and how those needs can be met - in cooperation with how we can help, but also with their cooperation and resources.

If our kitchen service does not point people to Jesus, we risk becoming surrogate messiahs. If we, not God, end up being their source of hope, we are setting them up for profound disappointment and ourselves for profound burnout - because we in ourselves are simply not up to the task of saving the world . . . in Christ, we are given the power to give people what they most desperately need!

This became a breath of fresh air to my soul.

As I said in my "Monkey" post - They desire me to share from my material wealth, and I desire to share with them the riches of our Father in Heaven.

Yes, I struggle with knowing where the line is, how much to help. And I struggle because I feel that I cannot ignore the physical needs yet I so desire to speak to their spiritual needs. Yet, if I give too much to satisfy their physical needs, do I become their crutch? As Joanna says, becoming their 'personal messiah', to the point where they do not feel their spiritual need.

And where do I find my boundary of giving of myself, sacrificing my agenda yet not heading for this 'profound burn-out'. We have an expression for it here: 'compassion fatigue'. It is referred to often in the missionary circles. It is a fact of life that we know circles around us all the time in the constant requests for aid - from those on the street, to our employees, to the villagers, to the strangers who come knocking at our doors. In spite of the awareness of this syndrom though, none of us have an answer. It is appears to be a personal decision, in which we all counsel each other to that which hovers around us, but in which we all need to make for ourselves our own boundaries.

As I continue to work through all this in my life, there were two life applications that Joanna spoke of:

1. Jesus ministered:

• as He went on His way
• as he went out of His way
• in all kinds of ways

So how does this apply in my life?? How are all three of these found in my life? How are all three of these found in your life??

Perhaps today,

• on my way is the relationships that I build among the Fulani - to learn their language and to share of God's love for them
• out of my way is to share of God with those outside of my Fulani people group - with the Djarma man who sells me cloth for skirts
• in all kinds of ways is by learning a few of the other's language, by giving to a beggar I see on the street, by giving a blanket to the crazy guy down the street because he is likely cold now that cold season has come

2. In Joanna's study guide, one of her questions questions is: How would you like Jesus to 'stick out all over' your life? . . . attitudes and characteristics?

I am working on a Bible Study on the Fruits of the Spirit right now, so my mind went there. Of course, I would like to have all of the Fruits developed in my life, but I narrowed it down specifically to three right now: love, joy, peace.

I want God to pour His love for these people into my heart. I want to feel His brokeness for their lostness. His love for their needs.

I want His joy to shine in my life that those whom I see will notice a difference in my life.

I want His peace to reign so they will desire this in their own hearts as well.

So . . .

Do I have an answer to my questions? Not yet. I believe this is a journey I will be on for a while. And the answer to my questions may change through time. But, I will continue to search. Search how to apply the kitchen service in my life and ministry here. Search and pray for God to grow in my life His love, joy, peace . . . and His other fruits. And expend of my will to find intimacy with God in my busyness. For truly this is how I will find my answers, and grow in God's fruit.